Saturday, December 20, 2008

Predictions for 2009

  • CBC announces a new game show, "Who Wants to be Bailed Out"

  • In Parliament, MPs will be allowed to call the House Speaker, "dude"

  • The successful marketing phrase "New and Improved" will be replaced by "The Same, but Still Not Too Bad Though"

  • The Mid East cuts olive oil production

  • Conrad Black will take over the Liberal leadership, bring down the Harper government and become Canada's first Black Prime Minister

  • Sardines and broccoli replace pizza as the favorite school snack

  • Microsoft gets into omega-3 oil business and comes out with an Omega-3.1 capsule

  • PEI will begin a resettlement program, moving residents of 50 small communities to larger centres. The move is expected to take about an hour

  • The economy will get so bad that business will resort to such things as directing cigarette advertisements at kids, and offering high interest credit cards to naive university teens (wait. sorry, that's already happening)

  • Christmas shopping will drastically fall after it's discovered that the three wise men did not bring gifts to Jesus, Mary and Joseph, but were trying to sell them life insurance

  • Danny Williams' image as a dictator will be promoted so much by media writers that reporters in Venezuela give the nickname, Hugo "Williams", to their president

  • Political protesters will use a more deadly weapon to attack U.S. Presidents, their socks

  • 1000s of products drop in price because the price of oil (transportation cost) is low

  • George W. Bush will write his memoirs called either "D'oh", or "Oops"
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