Monday, December 31, 2007

Random Predictions for 2008

  1. Convergys diversifies and opens a call girl centre in St. John's.

  2. Cruise ship tourism will increase as word spreads that the rich color of St. John's harbour is rust from sunken German U-boats from WWII.

    Tourists inquire about harbour diving expeditions of the "wrecks".

  3. An extra lane is added to several city streets just for the Tim Horton's drive-thru line ups.

  4. You're going to get a gas tax break at the pumps because there is a small chance the price of gas may rise this year, just maybe.

  5. Danny Williams will change his ABC slogan to ABH, Anybody But Hearn, after Hearn's latest remarks about knowing the "inside scoop" on the 8th floor.

  6. There will be more tourists staying at B & B's and hotels, causing net Inn migration.

  7. There will be more transparency in government. Apparently Staples had a huge boxing day sale on overhead transparencies, and they sold like hotcakes to government.

  8. Labrador adopts the song "We'll Rant and We'll Roar Like True Newfoundlanders" as its regional anthem.

  9. Banks will take away all the ATM fees. Remember Jack Layton pressuring federal finance minister Jim Flaherty to encourage Canada's banks to drop ATM fees? Well the banks will finally cave because they know how fresh that idea still is in the publics mind.

  10. Prime Minister Stephen Harper will absolutely, totally deliver on his equalization promise to Newfoundland and Labrador because he feels so bad, and because Quebec wants it that way, because they gave NL a crappy option on the Upper Churchill, and feel guilty about it after all these years.

  11. St. John's will lose it's city with the highest obesity rate (36.4%) in Canada status because

    well, the tax dollars are rolling in with the St. John's economy on fire after all, and

    because Mayor Andy Wells will care enough about the citizens of St. John's and the 1000's of students who walk the life-threatening streets each day (and who contribute to the local economy), to invest in serious sidewalk snow clearing, and hence peoples' health. (oh yeah, there is also a Royal visit coming up and the Queen wants a city tour, in winter)

  12. Karlheinz Schreiber gets his own reality tv show (Karlheinz Catch-up) which has him hire ex-Prime Ministers, and pay them cash, which they will store in a safety deposit boxes for 5-6 years without earning interest.

  13. Federal and provincial levels of government will invest in the largest public education program ever to teach money-managing skills to youth in elementary, high school and post-secondary schools; and to educate the public about all harmful ingredients in food.

    The health care system will project a saving of $5 billion over 10 years. As a consequence banks will experience smaller profits due to better student money managing habits, decreased student loan need, and fewer credit cards being issued to students.

    As well, food companies will experience smaller profits because people will start avoiding dangerous foods.
    (Ok, that one's a joke, had to throw it in there ... (snicker) giving too much useful information to people where it potentially hurts big industry's interests .. yeah, right )

  14. Spring will start early this year, March 21.


BNB said...

More transperancy - haha I like that.

Perhaps we can combine the call girls and cruise ship industry? I even have a slogan:

"Get blown ashore in Newfoundland and Labrador"

(Sorry - old mariner joke)

Charles Cheeseman said...

Watch out, Tourism and HNL might steal your idea! That would be a bold marketing campaign.

Robert said...

Great list!
'Net Inn Migration'
... funny!

Charles Cheeseman said...

Thanks Robert, glad you enjoyed it!